Recently in Humor Category

Gizmodo posts about how you can get custom printed toilet paper. Just $12/per for four rolls (cheaper in volume). What would YOU have printed on yours?

Perfect for stopping little kids in their tracks.

Step away from the limousine, or I'll shoot you with this ... teddy bear? The Teddy Bear Gun capitalizes on a cutesy trend in Japan where wedding guests throw teddy bears at wedding receptions instead of rice or bouquets.

If teddy bear throwing sounds like a lot of work to you, here it's made easy with a simple touch of a button. Pull the trigger and the tiny plush bear is catapulted into the air, and once airborne, it'll float safely back to earth thanks to its tiny parachute. Made by paintball gun manufacturer Sunamiya, the party crackers will go on sale this month.

Gun-shaped teddy bear crackers ready to liven up wedding receptions [Gizmodo]

Recently around 50 members of Improv Everywhere dressed up in royal blue polo shirts and khakis and infiltrated a Best Buy. Hi-jinx ensue.

The idea for this mission was submitted by a stranger via email. Agent Slavinsky wrote in to suggest I get either a large group of people in blue polo shirts and khakis to enter a Best Buy or a group in red polo shirts and khakis to enter a Target. Wearing clothing almost identical to the store's uniform, the agents would not claim to work at the store but would be friendly and helpful if anyone had a question.

Zefrank, the person responsible for me learning to dance, has recently embarked on a new endeavor. The Show is a daily vlog covering various current events in a way that only Zefrank could do. For a nice welcome to the show, check out yesterday's post.

Not to be missed.

(Thanks to Waxy.org Links once again.)

Lala and the gang are back for some more Tiki Bar hijinx. Be sure to watch episode 15 - Legal Ease

Not just bunnies. SINGING bunnies.

drive yerself nuts...
...with da little singin' bunnies (Flash). [crossmind.net] [via jenett.radio]

Ryan Holt, Vice Pres of student government at U of SC, got a bit bent out of shape when faced with a prank. Quick get this guy a sense of humor.

One of the finest examples of this is Ryan Holt, Vice President of the student government at the University of South Carolina, who is now immortalized in this video of him freaking out because someone had played a prank on him -- they filled his office will balloons. "Look at me being serious!" he yelled, not realizing that his rant would be turned into a domain name, lookatmebeingserious.com.

[via The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century :: Joey deVilla's Weblog]

And don't forget. Air costs money!

Seen while hanging out on one of the various muds I spend time on:

My Son is listening to the exchange between me and the controller and wants to chime in on the conversion. I said to my son, "Just hang on; I will give you a chance". I never should have said that because now he is all excited to talk on the radio. As I start to turn inbound on the turn, the Approach control said "Contact tower when established on the localizer". So I told my young Padawan Learner "OK, when this needle gets here on the dial, push the radio button and tell the tower that 93 Romeo is inbound on the localizer".

Now imagine this, I am giving basic instrument instruction to a 9 year old. Before I can give him something simpler to say he keys the mike and says "REBEL BASE, THIS IS RED 5. WE ARE STARTING OUR ATTACK RUN ON THE DEATH STAR".

Now this was post 9/11, and before I can key my mike and say anything, the tower jumps on and says "RED 5, YOUR CLEARED FOR THE APPROACH TO THE DEATH STAR. REPORT HITS AWAY"

I'm still curious the source of this, so if anyone has seen it elsewhere let me know.

EDIT: Original story can be found here I recommend checking it out.

It's finally here, though the video quality isn't that great. I give you the trailer for Snakes on a Plane.

An answer to social networks: isolatr

Swiped from Bookslut. Compare and contrast Brokeback Mountain and Curious George, as written by a freshman.

Although Curious George and Brokeback Mountain share many similarities, they also share many differences. Both involve men in hats, but the meaning of the hat changes.

Curious George is the story of a monkey and the man he adopts. The Man in the Yellow Hat works in a museum, where he never figures out that Drew Barrymore has a crush on him. He must be gay or something. He gets sent to Africa to find a statue that could save the museum. He doesn't, but he could of if he had figured out how to read the map. A monkey steals his hat, which is like stealing his identity, but it's a hat. It's an example of nature's inhumanity to man. [Confessions of a Community College Dean] [via Bookslut]

I just took in the first three episodes of The IT Crowd, a new comedy on Channel 4 UK. It's about the members of an IT group working in the basement of a large company. It's silly, has many geeky moments, and is pretty damn fun (though it did take an episode or two for me to get into it. The show is from Father Ted creator Graham Linehan and seems to have much of that same kind of feel.

Recommended if you like british comedy shows. You can find it at the usual bittorrent sources.

From McSweeney's, The Elements of Spam.

14. Use the active voice.

Notice how aloof the passive voice is.

Your balls are to be slurped the most by cum-starved nymphos!!!!!

Hardly persuasive. The five exclamation points feel tacked on, an attempt by an inexperienced writer to breathe life into a desiccated construction. The active voice, however, allows you to write with verve and straightforwardness.

Cum-starved nymphos will slurp your balls the most!!!!!

One for all those ravers and former ravers: the top raver flicks of 1999. Courtesy of xaotica.

A great love song for all the geeks out there.

Mad William Flint posts a link to the Best Blonde Joke Ever after a week and a half of silence.

Now you too can pimp your nutcracker.

From the wonderful mind of zefrank, a request for help. A dramatic reading of spam.

Okay, one more quiz for the day and I'll stop. But I liked that I was Very Silly.

               ^________________________________________
         9.001 |       |                 /|             |
               |       | Write questions/ |             |
               | Visit | to The Oracle /  |             |
           F   |Parents|        /\    /   | Libertarian |
               |       |       /o \--* S  |             |
           u   |       |------/o   \   l  _--_          |
               |-------+      \   o/\  e '    `         |
           r   |   \_          \ o/  \ e( Date )        |
               |     \_ Attend  \/ o  \p "-__-"         |
           l   |       \_ party  \  o /   |             |
               | Watch   \_       \  /----+-------------|
           o   | TV all    \ __    \/                   |
               |  day       ]  ---__|    Play Doom      |
           n   |____________|       +___________________|
               |          \  Drink  |______             |
           g   | rn        \heavily_|      |            |
               | alt.       \     /        | Oaklahoma  |
           s   | binaries.   >---<   Do    |            |
               | pictures.  /     \__ your +------------|
             9 | erotica   /  lint   \ laundry          |
               +----------------------------------------->
               -3                              6.02*10^23
                          F o r t n i g h t s

Because I was psyched to get this result:

Gimme some sugar baby.

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

After listening to TWiT the other day I felt compelled to check out Tiki Bar TV, Forbidden cocktails in a swank pad. I can't decide if it is genius or incredibly stupid, but I do know I can't stop watching it. You should definitely give the Tiki Bar a visit.

A wonderful mashup of Plato's Republic and Reservoir Dogs can be found here.

[Thrasymachus is tied up in a chair. Socrates is brandishing a gun in his face]

Thrasymachus: Don't kill me, man!

Socrates: Are you finished, fucker?

Thrasymachus: Look, look, man, you can have my ten yoke of oxen. My virgin daughters? My pomegranite orchard?

Socrates: You like pomegranites? Shit, motherfucker, I hear they've got a fuckin' all-you-can-eat special going on on pomegranites where you're headed.

Thrasymachus: Don't do it, Socrates. Be fair.

Socrates: [Suddenly contemplative] Fair?

Thrasymachus: [Sees an opportunity for survival] Yeah, fair... think about my wife and children --

Socrates: Would you say that to be fair is the same thing as to be just? [Republic Dogs] [via Boing Boing]

If philosophy class had been like this maybe I wouldn't have done so badly in it.

Shining looks like it could rock. Check out the trailer.

Here's a list of 1,159 naughty words according to the NFL. These are not allowed on personalized jerseys from the NFL Shop site. There are some interesting ones in there.

ARRRR!

BOOTY!

WENCHES!

Wow, grade school kids redo the video for Devo's Whip It. And it's pretty cool! [via Boing Boing]

Flying Spaghetti Monster: The Game. I loved it. It was better than cats. I'm going to play it again and again. Require Flash.

Thank you McSweeney's for providing me with such fun reading materials. Today we've got Things Hagrid the Half Giant Woudl say If He Served Jesus Instead of Harry Potter and A Letter from "The Power" to Public Enemy.

From the first:

"Speakin' of cups runnethin' over, laddie, mine's be gettin' a mite dry. How 'bout changin' this 'ere water into somethin' a bit more, well, frisky?"

"Why, if a fellow wanted ta get away clean, Peter-me-lad, all they'd have ter do would be ta deny they ever even knowed Jesus. Uh-oh. I shouldn't eh told yeh that."

And the second:

Dear Chuckdee, Flavor Flavor, Professor Griffin, and everyone else,

Hey, guys! What's up? Or should I say "what up"? Is that how you hippity-hoppers and homeyboys and gangerbangers are saying it now? Never mind. I'll get right to the point.

Do we have to keep fighting like this? Or, more specifically, do you really want to keep fighting me? I don't mind indulging you if that's what you guys want. It's not hurting me, of course, since I am The Power after all. But I just wonder if you might consider giving it up. I mean, this has been going on for a while and I'm still very much here.

Do you realize that you've been fighting me since 1989? (What a crazy summer that was, huh? Whatever happened to that funky drummer?) Now, that's 16 years ago. Babies born that summer are driving cars now! So much has happened since then. Presidents have come and gone, the Soviet Union collapsed. But not The Power! Honestly, guys, I'd really like to be your friend and hang out with you at your rapping concerts. It's time to put this behind us.

In the battle between animals. The squirrels shall rule the world:

Labrador loses to a squirrel

When Carl the labrador chased a squirrel into the woods, his owners' only concern was for his quarry.

But they should have worried about their dog. Because seconds later Carl re-emerged with the grey squirrel firmly clamped to his neck. [Telegraph.co.uk] [via Warren Ellis]

As my gnome warrior in WoW says, "Ya'know. Squirrels are deadly when cornered.

Here's a fun little video for The Hollywood Reporter 26th Annual Key Art Awards. It features a number of well known voiceover artists. I know I've definitely heard all of them before on various movie trailers.

via Boing Boing

Okay, a lesson for you kids out there. It's very possible that your parents have more than a clue about computers these days. It's not like my generation where most of them have no idea how to do things like "lob on". From joystiq:

Kid busted by WoW-playing mommy

It used to be that a boy could play his favorite game all night and mean old Mom would be none the wiser about it.

But when WoW’s so popular that Mom’s playing too, Junior runs the risk of getting busted. In the thread linked below, little boy Brion makes a rather innocent-sounding forum post at 3:30 AM. Trouble is, his mother notices because she reads that same forum. She responds:

”Pardon me for hijacking the thread, here..  But, Brion - if you don’t want your mother to know you were up and on the computer at 3:29 in the morning - DON’T post on a forum that she reads. Busted. Grounded.”

Read | Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments
© 2005 Weblogs, Inc.

Though I'm sick of all the news surrounding the hidden sex scenes in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas I enjoyed this column over on sfgate.com:

There's Sex In My Violence!
What's this lame soft-core porn doing in my ultraviolent "Grand Theft Auto"? I am outraged!

...

Suddenly that downloadable patch you installed last night kicks in and there's, like, a lame and badly animated sex scene, right there, right between the graphic bloody part where you bazooka'd the police helicopter and the part where the gang-banger gets his lame ass beaten with a large handgun, and suddenly you're like, what the hell? Who stuck this lame badly animated sex in here? Where'd my soul-numbing ultraviolent racism go? I am outraged. [sfgate.com]

No real point here, just some links I found interesting today.

• Sam & Max: The Flash Animation
• How Movie Studios Misuse Reviews [boing boing]
  

  Daily Star: "Trainspotting meets A Clockwork Orange!"

  Actual line: "This glum, violent drama about a Scottish thug ruined by drink is written and pretentiously directed by Richard Jobson whose approach — Trainspotting meets A Clockwork Orange — is bad enough to drive you to drink in no time."

• TV Dinner Inventor Gerry Thomas Dies [boing boing]

Now I'm off to try updating this blog to MT 3.2.

Once again, something from Boing Boing leaves me a bit speachless:

Lapjuicer designed for lapdancers to make juice

This chair is designed to hold a piece of fruit so a lapdancer can grind the juice out of it. Semi-NSFW photos of the chair in action can be seen at the link.

Those damn people at NASA! How dare they? :)

Russian astrologer sues NASA over comet experiment

MOSCOW (AFP) - A Russian astrologer has taken legal action against NASA for compensation, claiming that the US space agency's bombardment of the Tempel 1 comet will upset her horoscope and violates her spiritual rights.

The experiment, in which NASA fired a projectile the size of a fridge at the comet Monday, was an attack on "the holy of holies," Marina Bai's law suit claims, according to Russian press reports. Her suit, filed at a Moscow court, claims violation of her "life and spiritual values." [Yahoo! News]

A few years ago I remember a story going around about someone trying to use a $2 bill at a Taco Hell. Snopes doesn't have any indication as to if it is true or false, but it seems that there are some people out there who still aren't familiar with $2 bills.

Best Buy Has Customer Arrested For Using $2 Bills

A Baltimore man tried to pay for a Best Buy car stereo installation with $2 bills—and was arrested. Apparently the man was already upset with the Best Buy's service, so thought he'd stage a minor protest by using the uncommon currency:

"I'm just here to pay the bill," Bolesta says he told a cashier. "She looked at the $2 bills and told me, 'I don't have to take these if I don't want to.' I said, 'If you don't, I'm leaving. I've tried to pay my bill twice. You don't want these bills, you can sue me.' So she took the money. Like she's doing me a favor."

He remembers the cashier marking each bill with a pen. Then other store personnel began to gather, a few of them asking, "Are these real?"

(Thanks, C0bra!)

More proof that Best Buy is actually "Worst Buy": Man arrested for paying in $2 bills [Anandtech]

[via Gizmodo]

Google has announced their latest project: Google gulp! (with auto-drink(tm)).

Think fruity. Think refreshing. Think a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drinkâ„¢ technology, and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful cerebral cortex. Plus, it's low in carbs! And with flavors ranging from Beta Carroty to Glutamate Grape, you'll never run out of ways to quench your thirst for knowledge.

I'm still unsure about the bottles reporting information about me to Google, but the Sero-Tonic Water sounds tasty. They are also rolling this out slowly, as they did with Gmail. You can only get some if a friend of yours gives you a bottle cap for it. Hopefully I'm cool enough that I can get one.

Seen over on a friend's LJ, a flash movie with a dancing and singing bunny.

In case you ever wondered what To Kill a Mockingbird was about.

It's the true story of To Kill a Mockingbird. Complete with pirates, robots, slaves, lasers, flaming sharks, ninjas, the moon, and a pickle, done in Flash. [via jenett.radio] [via waxy]

In the world of bizzare news:

Pickled cats thrown at police

Hamilton woman angry at police confiscation of pickled snakes so threw a jar of pickled kittens at them

It has been revealed a Hamilton woman was so angry about police taking her three preserved snakes that she stormed into the station and threw a jar of pickled kittens at the counter.

The jar shattered. [NZCity News]

I personally think the sentence "It has been revealed a Hamilton woman was so angry about police taking her three preserved snakes that she stormed into the station and threw a jar of pickled kittens at the counter." would make a great entry into the Bulwer-Lytton Contest.

I can't remember where I saw the link to this originally (or I'd give credit). Here's a subset of a bunch of disclaimer stickers for science textbooks. The first one is an actual disclaimer is taken from a sticker designed by the Cobb County School District in Georgia (see original).

Since I saw the Shrek Twinkies at the store today, I just had to get some and take pictures of them. I was only able to stomach a few bites though. I'm just not a huge Twinkie fan.

In the rockin' future of Hello Kitty.

Oh my, I wonder if someone at CNN will lose their job over this. The lesson, be careful what you name your files (even if it is accurate).

Linked to from over on the Cult of Mac, the iBitch.

Tired of the picture perfect virtual relationships? iBitch 2.0 puts the balance back into your virtual lovelife, giving you the "low end" to have a more fulfilling and realistic virtual relationship. After all, there can be no good, without the bad, right? iBitch 2.0 is the latest addition to the Virtual Girlfriend software family, compatible with Mac & Windows. [arkamfilms.com]

Oh yes, and this probably isn't worksafe.

Here's a site where you can vote for a Bush or Kerry Pumpkin. I personally think they both look kind of ugly. They both looks like there's something running out of their noses. I think I'd be scared if I saw them as a kid, so maybe they'd be great for halloween. Unfortunately, at the time of this posting, Bush is winning.

Just in case you happen to live anywhere near a Volcano.

"Oh yeah, AWAY from the volcano..."

From the U.S. Geological Survey's What to Do if a Volcano Erupts page:

During an Eruption -

Move Away From A Volcano - Not Toward It

[via The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century :: Joey deVilla's Weblog]

Once again, my friend Lyn links to some of the oddest things:

Richard "Dick" Grayson woke up gay, and didn't bother to ask why.
cough. [via lyn - This Is Not The Journal You're Looking For]

From over on McSweeney's, Sexual Euphemisms That Won't Catch On. Here's a small sample:

Paying extra for refills

Do-boning the salmon fillet

Compounding 4 percent interest annually

Taking the F train to Queens

[mcsweeney's]

Thanks to a friend of mine on LJ for posting this, I can't remember which one I read it on though.

Peter Sellers
"There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed." [via Quotes of the Day]

Reason #5 Katamary Damacy rocks: You can roll up cows. They Moo. Reason #4 is the music for the game.

If you haven't seen this game, check out this clip of the gameplay.

Even drug abusers know that cheese rocks:

Drug abusers target cheese

ST. JOHN'S  —  Police in St. John's say drug abusers trying to pay for their habits has led to a thriving black market for cheese.

The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary says stealing and reselling food from supermarkets and other stores to support addictions is becoming quite common.

Earlier this week, they say a man threatened to stab people with a hypodermic needle in the parking lot of a supermarket.

Staff Sgt. June Layden says he was holding a number of blocks of cheese when police arrested him "Right now we believe it was between 12 and 16 blocks, quite a quantity of cheese," she says.

Patrick Corrigan, 26, is charged with theft and assault in connection with the incident.

Layden says cheese theft is a growing problem in this province — and that the people stealing it need quick money to buy drugs like OxyContin.

"From speaking with a number of people yesterday including some employees at some of our larger supermarkets ... they are finding people are coming in and stealing it by blocks," she says. [read more] [via lonita.links.log]

From my good friend Emilily: The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation

The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation was created in 1982 by a small group that originally came together as a an informal support group for problems that were the result of traumatic experiences at petting zoos as children. This group realized that there were many others out there who were afraid to come forward with their horrific stories and wanted to find some way to help as many people as they could. The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation is the result of their dream.

Through its programs and workshops, individuals from all walks of life have been able to live happier and more fulfilling lives, without the ever-present ghosts of their personal goat traumas. Some have even made such progress that they have been able to put their traumas completely behind them and rejoin mainstream society.

No matter what the effects of your trauma, we can help you. The effects of a childhood goat trauma vary widely from person to person, depending on the severity of their trauma. Such problems as irrational fears, unexplained twitching, and insomnia could all have origin in a goat trauma. [The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation]

Goats never really bothered me much. Hamsters though, I still twitch when I think about that one time...

For bonus points: What childhood experience traumatized you? For me it was my uncle making me go to The Haunted Mansion at Disneyworld when I was like three or four. My face was hidden almost the whole time, and the one time I look out a skeleton pops up from behind a gravestone.

From the warped minds at weebls-stuff.com: Choccy

Warning, may cause nightmares or chocolate cravings.

Well, at least I have some pictures I could post for this occasion, even if I don't have cats of my own.

BlogACatMas This Friday!

It may be only a one-year-old tradition, but it's still a tradition! Last year, Boss Ross and I declared that the first Friday in October shall be "Post a Cat on Your Blog Day", or more simply, BlogACatMas. Yeah, posting a picture of a cat is nearly as old as blogging itself, but we figured why not have a designated special day for that most bloggy of blog practices?

Here's some inspiration:

...

So gather your kitty pictures, because Friday's the day! [via The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century :: Joey deVilla's Weblog]

I've been in an absolutely crappy mood all weekend. I dunno if it's the phase of the moon or that time of the year or what. In an act of desperation I sent someone some songs anonymously, and got an absolutely wonderful response to the second one. I am now smiling. The End.

ps. please don't kill me.

Okay, I must agree with Suw that Shaun of the Dead is great. I'm not a huge fan of horror movies in general, but this is more than just a zombie movie. It's a zombie movie with comedy, or actually it's a romantic comedy with zombies. Whatever it is it is brilliant. It opens next Friday and everyone must go see it. Here's the Official Website . Go there and check it out so I gain pint points.

From a few sources, but I just had to share this for my friends who might not have seen it yet. Behold, the power of show tunes:

This morning I had the most bizarre subway ride. I board the Number 3 train at Grand Army Plaza after 9 a.m. Find a seat, then settle into reading Henry James for class. I hear a woman’s voice gradually rising in volume. She is preaching the “Lord’s” word to the train car’s sleepy riders. Of course, I had forgotten the headphones for my subway evil sounds blocking device. The train stops and starts.
The words denigrating “gay devils” reach my ears. I stand up.

Me: “Excuse me, but do you mind keeping your voice down, I am trying to read.”

Preacher Lady: (screams) “I got to testify.”

Preacher lady hitches up her skirts and tells me that I am going to hell for interrupting you-know-who’s word. Two or three OTHER Christian ladies on the train start shouting at me and discussing my prospects as the Devil’s prison bitch. The last straw was a 50 something red faced man in a suit slamming his Bible towards my face. There was only one thing I could do.

Me: “If you all don’t lower your voices and cease calling me Satan, I will have to sing show tunes.”

The other straphangers look at me with stony faces.
I begin to sing.
“Its very clear, our love is here to stay. Not for a year, but forever and a day…” [read on...] [Livejournal: Koaloha]

From the "oops" department:

cnn divides europe
Gert-Jan posted this excellent screencap of CNN reporting on Putin's visit to Berlin. Too bad they moved Switzerland up and over to the Czech republic's spot on the map.

Notice how naming the Netherlands and Belgium was clearly to big a task.

If CNN can't even get elementary school facts right, how can you trust anything they say?

[via Adam Curry: Adam Curry's Weblog]

From over on engadget:

Apparently the South Korean subway advertising system runs off of a 20GB hard disk. Add your own caption for extra fun! [engadget]

Feel free to leave your own caption here or there.

Kasia writes about something that annoyed me a bit. She points to "A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys" and "The Guy's Guide to Geek Girls, V2.0" and comments on some of the points they make.

Let's clear some things up.

• The Star Trek thing.

  Star Trek is not a geek thing. Not all geeks like Star Trek, heck, most geeks I know never watch it. Would you people stop equating geeks with Star Trek freaks? Who the hell is Ivanova? The first guy to buy me a Star Trek mousepad as a cute gift would wear it as a collar in about fifteen seconds or less.

• Branded tshirts.

  So people think geeks wear tshirts with brand names because they're proudly displaying their loyalty? That's cute and funny at the same time. T-shirts at conferences are free, t-shirts at conferences come emblazoned with logos and brand-names, ergo, geeks often wear tshirts with brand names because they're free. Unlike the rest of you gap-labled yuppies, we don't pay to advertise corporations.

  Unless you count my Free Software Foundation tshirt, I paid for that, but that was really more of a donation than a purchase. Sort of like the emacs manual, yah, i'll ever read that!

• Geeks can fix things.

  Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha -- that's all I'm going to say on the issue.

[kasia in a nutshell]

In general, I've always thought of myself as more on the geek side. But reading through the guide to geek guys it seems I was wrong. I'm barely geeky at all! Even though in humor, I just found that these were just so wrong and cliched that they weren't even that funny.

My friend Selma pointed me at this article from Popular Science that covers the worst jobs in science.

The Worst Jobs in Science

From fart sniffer to postdoc, the most torturous ways to make a living in science.

October 2003

Ah, science! Ennobling. Fascinating. Deeply challenging. Also, dangerous, gross and mind-bogglingly boring. We at Popular Science are sometimes brought up short by the realization that there are aspects of science—entire jobs, even—that, when you strip away the imposing titles and advanced degrees, sound at best distasteful and at worst unbearable. Having chosen last month our second annual Brilliant 10 -- a group of dynamic researchers making remarkable discoveries—we turned to this pressing question: For the rest out there, just how bad can a science job get?

The answer: Really, really bad.

We solicited nominations from more than a thousand working scientists and culled the list for the most noxious. Then we voted. Which is to say, there is absolutely nothing scientific about the ranking of the worst jobs in science that appears on these pages; it is simply the collective opinion of a group of alternately awestruck and disturbed editors who rarely suffer anything worse on the job than keyboard- induced repetitive-motion syndrome. [Popular Science]

Um. Ew. I don't think I could ever see some kid saying they'd want to do any of these when they grow up.

Peter Sagal will be taking over Fanatical Apathy for the week (while Adam Felber flees the RNC).

[taps the microphone]

Is this on? Hello?

[blows into microphone]

In the back, can you hear me? Yes? Okay. Good. Uh...

[straightens tie]

HAH! MINE! ALL MINE! MINE MINE MINE MINE! [Fanatical Apathy]

But either way it's pretty damn funny.

Doom 3 teenagers freaking out

Cory Doctorow: This is a video of two teenaged boys playing Doom 3 -- you can't see the game, just their reaction. As Joey notes, these kids are screaming like hyenas as the boo-scareys lurch out of the Doom 3 shadows and leap on their characters. One of the kids actually gnaws a pillow when it all gets to be too much for him. Pretty cool endorsement for a game, actually. 7.8MB WMV Link

Mirror Link (Thanks, Quentin!) (via AccordionGuy) [Boing Boing Blog]

 

A LiveJournal user has used Google to figure out some stats about LJ users.

21% of people who hate their lives use Livejournal
[via]  [Waxy.org Links]

Maybe if I share this with the world it will get out of my head. Those wonderful wacky people at weebls have a little cartoon that I'm finding more addicting than Badgers. I mean, Everyone Love Magical Trevor. He makes cows disappear than reappear! I blame ladysissyphus for my knowledge of this.

Adam Felber gives us a transcript of an obscure event from the olympics. Here's a snip of the beginning.

Olympic Transcript [Obscure Event Edition]

TOM: Welcome back, and we're just in time for the 800 meter sideways cobblestick shuttlerun. With me, I have 1976 bronze medalist, Lucy Pinker. Lucy, what are we looking for today?

LUCY: Well, Tom, Hungary's Bidrai Malouva is the favorite in this event, having taken gold in Sydney.

TOM: He's more machine than man!

LUCY: Uh, well, sure...

TOM: But don't count out the plucky American, Morgan Hurren. He gave Malouva a real run for his money in Sydney, finishing a very close 7th, and he's been training exceptionally hard for this year's games.

[Cut to exciting video package about Hurren and his various trials and tribulations as he trained to rival the preeminent sideways cobblestick shuttlerunner in the world. Morgan turns out to be a startlingly down-to-earth kid, and you get the sense that maybe, just maybe, he's got a shot here. He's plucky.]

TOM: And there he is, the Kansas kid who has the whole cobblestick shuttlerun world abuzz. [Fanatical Apathy]

Those wacky animals are at it again.

Bear guzzles 36 beers, passes out at campground

SEATTLE, Washington (Reuters) -- A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday.

"We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around," said Lisa Broxson, a worker at the Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles (129 km) northeast of Seattle.

The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers' coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds. [CNN.com]

I personally like that he was smart enough to avoid the Busch beer. He's even got taste!

Thanks to those fine folk at Boing Boing for this link. I may have to destroy you all for it.

Watchmen comic remixes

So wrong: Something Awful re-captions selections from Watchmen.

Link
(thanks, Zed) [Boing Boing Blog]

 

So wrong, but so funny. Hmm, what other comics to re-caption.

Hmm. I wonder if I can use this service yet. I mean, if I had a date anytime in the next decade.

'Escape-A-Date' ringtones help you lie like an (unwired) dog

Cingular Wireless recently introduced an odd new tool for subscribers. "Escape-a-Date" is touted as "the perfect service to use when you are afraid that your blind date may not be just right for you." Users schedule a "rescue" phone call at a pre-set time which tells them exactly how to lie their way into speedy escape. Eight randomly-generated humorous scripts are offered, here's a snip from one:

Hey, this is your escape-a-date call. If you're looking for an excuse, I got it. Just repeat after me, and you'll be on your way!

"Not again! Why does that always happen to you? ... Alright, I'll be right there." Now tell 'em that your roommate got locked out, and you have to go let them in. Good luck!"

[Boing Boing Blog]

I remember doing this kind of thing to get out of meetings that were driving me insane.

Tsk. Tsk. George. You know you shouldn't be blogging while on the job.

[via Waxy.org Links]

Tim Wu (over on lessig blog) has listed a bunch of Jack Valenti quotes from over the years. Here's a sample:

On the nascent cable industry, in 1974
“[Cable will become] a huge parasite in the marketplace, feeding and fattening itself off of local television stations and copyright owners of copyrighted material. We do not like it because we think it wrong and unfair.”

On the VCR, 1983
"We are facing a very new and a very troubling assault ... and we are facing it from a thing called the video cassette recorder and its necessary companion called the blank tape.
We are going to bleed and bleed and hemorrhage, unless this Congress at least protects one industry ... whose total future depends on its protection from the savagery and the ravages of this machine [the VCR]."
"[Some say] that the VCR is the greatest friend that the American film producer ever had. I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone."

On the public domain, 1995
"A public domain work is an orphan. No one is responsible for its life. But everyone exploits its use, until that time certain when it becomes soiled and haggard, barren of its previous virtues. How does the consumer benefit from the steady decline of a film's quality?"

On the meaning of value, 1983
"Nothing of value is free. It is very easy ... to convince people that it is in their best interest to give away somebody else's property for nothing, but even the most guileless among us know that this is a cave of illusion where commonsense is lured and then quietly strangled."

And the Valenti slogan
"If you cannot protect what you own, you don’t own anything."

[lessig blog]

Alton Brown in his Speedo TSB2000.

Accordian Guy writes about the growing trend of people getting dumped via email.

The underlying idea of using email to deliver unpleasant news isn't all that novel. You've probably had to phone someone to cancel plans and were relieved to get their voice mail or answering machine rather than the actual person, and you may have even heard of situations where people have broken up over the phone. Breaking up in writing was common enough for the term "Dear John Letter" to be coined. In these situations, the bearer of bad news is trying to weasel out of having to deal with the reaction.

Listing the reasons for a breakup, whether the breakup is taking place in person, by postal mail, over the phone or email, isn't new, either. What is new is listing the reasons in point form. [Accordian Guy]

Definitely a fun read.

Selma points to a fun little flash movie about depression and a cure.

Ellen asks "Is this serious?" Sadly, I think it just might be. Though I never really thought of my hot dog toppings as being that political.

It seems that the Gov UK isn't able to take a joke:

Emergency advice parody misses Gov UK funny bone

The Cabinet Office has demanded that the author of the Preparing for Emergencies parody site, remove it from the Net immediately, and not put it up again in another guise.

The government launched an advertising and leafleting campaign yesterday, advising us all of what to do in the event of a national emergency. The idea is that because we live in a faster, 24-hour world, we are unlikely to have a stockpile of tinned food in our cupboards like our WWII surviving grannies, and are so less well-prepared for any terrorist strike.

Naturally, the campaign has an associated website, and as we all know, it doesn't take long for things to happen in Internet-Land. The parody site went up almost immediately at the remarkably similar address www.preparingforemergencies.CO.uk, as opposed to GOV.uk. [The Register] [via dropsafe]

The author has refused to take the site down so far, but has added links to the real site in hopes to satisfy the powers that be. Here's some advice he gives on what to do in an emergency.

General advice about what to do in an emergency

If you find yourself in the middle of an emergency, your common sense and instincts will usually tell you what to do. However, it is important to:

• Run.
• Really, really fast.
• Follow the advice of the emergency services, unless that advice is something other than "Run".
• Try to remain calm and think before acting, and try to reassure others. Or, trample them in a desperate attempt to flee as the building you're in is consumed by a radioactive cloud.
• Check for injuries. Here's a hint: if it's painful, it's probably injured. However, hurting when you pee is probably not an injury related to the incident. But get yourself checked out anyway.

Wow, being in the army has some great perks, including things like new breasts!

Bigger breasts offered as perk to U.S. soldiers
Plastic surgery available on taxpayers' dime
Updated: 10:34 a.m. ET July 22, 2004

NEW YORK - The U.S. Army has long lured recruits with the slogan “Be All You Can Be,” but now soldiers and their families can receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers’ dime.

The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free -- something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills.

“Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible,” Dr. Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off.

Between 2000 and 2003, military doctors performed 496 breast enlargements and 1,361 liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents, the magazine said. [MSNBC]

The article doesn't mention whether or not these were performed on men or women though.

I want to live in this village.

Small village changes its name

A small village in Wales has changed its name from Llanfynydd to Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole in protest against a wind farm which is planned for a nearby hill. They need to be careful - Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch got its full name when a tailor from Menai decided that they needed more tourists. Perhaps Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole will stick.

(Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole means "quiet beautiful village, a historic place with rare kite under threat from wretched blades" and beats Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, or "the church of St Mary in the hollow of the white hazel near the fierce whirlpool and the church of Tysilio by the red cave", in length by 8 characters.)

Thanks to ASBradbury for the tip. [Chocolate and Vodka]

Here's a music video made my synchronizing Soul Calibur with a dance track:

Music video made with Soul Calibur video game footage

Dance, Voldo, Dance is a music video made by synchronizing the movements of gladiators from the game Soul Calibur with a dance track, so that they appear to be getting down with their nasty selves to the music. It's quite good!

11.2 MB Quicktime Link

[via Boing Boing Blog] [via Waxy]

There's also notes about it linked to from the video. Pretty cool.