{"id":3817,"date":"2004-01-22T21:56:26","date_gmt":"2004-01-22T21:56:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/?p=3817"},"modified":"2004-01-22T21:56:26","modified_gmt":"2004-01-22T21:56:26","slug":"213_things","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/?p=3817","title":{"rendered":"213 Things"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This post is a bit old, but I just read it for the first time todaytoday, thanks to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.livejournal.com\/users\/welcomerain\/212594.html\">welcomerain<\/a>.  A list of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.avalanchetankers.us\/archives\/000058.html\">213 Things Skippy is no Longer Allowed to do in the U.S. Army<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn&#8217;t allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn&#8217;t been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is &#8216;Specialist Schwarz&#8217; not &#8216;Princess Anastasia&#8217;. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Not allowed to watch Southpark when I&#8217;m supposed to be working.<\/li>\n<li>My proper military title is &#8216;Specialist Schwarz&#8217; not &#8216;Princess Anastasia&#8217;.<\/li>\n<li>Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.<\/li>\n<li>Not allowed to challenge anyone&#8217;s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.<\/li>\n<li>Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.<\/li>\n<li>Not allowed to play &#8216;Pulp Fiction&#8217; with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>[<a href=\"http:\/\/www.avalanchetankers.us\/\">Avalanche Company<\/a>]<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This post is a bit old, but I just read it for the first time todaytoday, thanks to welcomerain. A list of 213 Things Skippy is no Longer Allowed to do in the U.S. Army. Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3817","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3817"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3817\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3817"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3817"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3817"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}