{"id":3978,"date":"2004-04-12T11:26:55","date_gmt":"2004-04-12T11:26:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/?p=3978"},"modified":"2004-04-12T11:26:55","modified_gmt":"2004-04-12T11:26:55","slug":"when_yard_ornam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/?p=3978","title":{"rendered":"When Yard Ornaments Go Strange"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Hartford Courant<\/a> has an article about some of the stranger yard ornaments one can get these days, including headless, armless children.<\/p>\n

\"Yard<\/p>\n

The once-imagined lovely garden is occupied with huge, ugly, warty frogs; bears doing squat lifts; sobbing angels; and gnomes, gnomes and more gnomes, multiplying like nymphomaniac nymphets high on Scott’s Fertilizer.<\/p>\n

And into this already strange and scary flower bed marches a parade of headless, armless children – boy figures in overalls and girl figures especially frightening in their short white socks and red Mary Janes.<\/p>\n

They’re called “outdoor statuary” or “yard ornaments,” but to anyone who basks in the glow of a buttercup held under a child’s chin or smiles at the sight of a toddler picking daisies, these jardinieres are better suited to a gardening straight-to-video called “Night of the Living Deadheads.”<\/p>\n

“It’s human nature to decorate one’s environment,” says Ellin Goetz, who runs a landscape architecture business in Naples, Fla. [The Hartford Courant<\/a>]<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I so would love to find some of the headless children planters and just put them around the yard for when my parents come home. I can just see them pulling in late at night after driving and finding them invading the yard. Another ornament mentioned is the Digger Dog<\/a>, which is supposed to look like a dog with its head down a hole. According to the description it “barks, whines, stomps his back foot and (oops!) passes wind.” And you can set it to be motion activated to “get a good laugh from neighbors, guests, and passersby.”<\/p>\n

This gives me a bunch of ideas. How about hands that look like a zombie trying to claw its way out of the ground (or maybe just a face peering out from the dirt)? It could be animated so passersby could hear the moans of the dead and maybe an occasional “brainsssss.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Hartford Courant has an article about some of the stranger yard ornaments one can get these days, including headless, armless children. The once-imagined lovely garden is occupied with huge, ugly, warty frogs; bears doing squat lifts; sobbing angels; and gnomes, gnomes and more gnomes, multiplying like nymphomaniac nymphets high on Scott’s Fertilizer. And into […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3978","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3978","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3978"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3978\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3978"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3978"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ezoons.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3978"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}